StudentsxCEOs Episode 4 - Pak Abdul Hamid Batubara (Pak Ucok)

Sunday, February 12, 2012
Hi! Berikut adalah resume (berbahasa resmi nih, sori ye, haha) tentang pertemuan gue sama CEO Chevron Pacific Indonesia, Bapak Abdul Hamid Batubara. Gimana caranya gue bisa ketemu dia? Hehe, udah dari November 2011 kemaren gue alhamdulillah terpilih sebagai salah satu anggota batch 2 StudentsxCEOs Core Team. Selama setelah gue kepilih jadi core team, baru 1 kali ini gw bisa ketemu CEO karena yg sebelum-sebelumnya (Eps. 1 - CEO XL Axiata, Eps. 2 - CEO Relife, Eps. 3 - CEO Medco) gue selalu berhalangan. 

Want to know more about StudentsxCEOs? Visit our websitetwitter, and like our fanpage! Apply buat jadi Guest Star ya :D buat yang di Jakarta, ayo ikut Recruitment SxC chapter Jakarta! 

Happy reading!
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Pak Ucok telah lebih dari 30 tahun bekerja di PT Chevron Pacific Indonesia sebelum menjadi CEO. Pak Ucok berdarah Batak namun menghabiskan masa kecilnya di Bandung, tepatnya di SD Muararajeun, SMP 2, SMA 3, lalu melanjutkan pendidikan ke ITB jurusan Teknik Elektro ’82. Ayahnya meninggal waktu beliau berusia 5 tahun. Sejak saat itu, anak ke-12 dari 12 bersaudara ini membantu ibunya berjualan pecel dan kakaknya yang merintis usaha sablon. Usaha sablon kakaknya tersebut sekarang terkenal dengan merk C59. Menurut Pak Ucok, ibunya sangat berjasa dalam menanamkan filosofi dasar kehidupannya. Nilai-nilai yang ia pegang sampai sekarang antara lain tidak boleh meminta-minta dan harus selalu menolong orang lain.

Menurut CEO ini, karirnya dapat dibagi menjadi 3 jenjang, yaitu:
1.      Technical Professional
2.      Supervisor
3.      Executive
Setelah lulus dari ITB, Pak Ucok diterima bekerja di Chevron (dulu Caltex) setelah meyakinkan diri untuk lepas dari usaha sablon dan berkeinginan kuat untuk hidup mandiri. Ia senang bekerja di Chevron karena perusahaan ini memiliki etika bisnis yang tinggi serta transparansi dalam mengelola keuangan. Pada tahap Technical Professional, Pak Ucok harus berurusan dengan dirty work dan dituntut menunjukkan technical excellence yang tinggi. Saya kagum karena beliau begitu mencintai pekerjaannya sehingga pulang malam pun sering dilakukan tanpa sadar. Tantangan yang paling berkesan menurutnya pada tahap ini adalah ketika ia ditunjuk untuk merakit komputer Apple bosnya yang baru dibeli. Pada masa itu, komputer Apple tidak umum digunakan sehingga referensi untuk merakit komputer ini ia gali dari orang-orang yang bekerja di kios-kios komputer. Keberhasilannya mengerjakan hal ini membuatnya semakin dipercaya oleh para atasan. Pesan Pak Ucok, “Tidak boleh negative thinking. Convert challenge to opportunity!”.
Pada tahap supervisor, Pak Ucok pernah mengalami apa yang disebut sebagai titik nadir dalam hidup. Ketika itu ia merasa ada penurunan performance yang menyebabkan kerugian perusahaan yang cukup besar. Ia kembali setuju untuk mengatasi permasalahan tersebut dengan satu syarat: pengambil keputusan harus menyetujui semua usulannya. Saat itu ia harus berurusan dengan 24 konsultan, dan untuk meningkatkan efisiensi pekerjaan, ia berinisiatif memecat 12 diantaranya. Perubahan ekstrim ini membuatnya dicerca oleh bos perusahaan konsultan yang merupakan ekspatriat dan harus berurusan dengan para petinggi Chevron dari luar negeri. Akhirnya terjadi kesepahaman dengan perusahaan konsultan, efisiensi kerja meningkat, dan proyek kemudian dapat berjalan dengan lancar. Pesan Pak Ucok, “Kalau kita punya keyakinan akan suatu perubahan, dan kita yakin perubahan itu akan terjadi, jangan mudah mundur meskipun jalannya memang terjal!”.
Dengan semakin meningkatnya kredibilitas Pak Ucok, ia kemudian menggantikan Pak Suwito Anggoro sebagai CEO. Menurutnya, pada tahap ini technical excellence tidak terlalu berperan lagi. Ia mengatakan, seorang CEO haruslah memiliki kebijaksanaan yang tinggi dan relasi yang baik dengan partner perusahaan. Menurutnya, “Everything is blurry and cannot be solved in operational level. Apalagi pada posisi ini kita berhubungan dengan stakeholders, dan itu tidak mudah”. Terkadang ia rindu kembali menjadi technical professional, namun ia berpendapat untuk maju kita harus siap meninggalkan comfort zone dengan terukur dan memiliki tujuan yang jelas. Salah satu quotes beliau yang sangat saya sukai saat berbicara tentang level ini adalah, “Seek to understand to be understood. Biarkan orang lain yang memberikan recognition terhadap usaha kita, kita hanya butuh stay di level kita saja”. Melalui pesan ini, ia menekankan bahwa kita tidak boleh sombong meskipun pencapaian kita sudah luar biasa.


Me with Pak Ucok! :D

2011 – A Year of Firsts

Sunday, January 1, 2012
2011 was awesome – one of the best years I’ve had in my life, ranked 2nd after 2008. In a nutshell, 2011 was a year of firsts: first time doing something that has never been done before, first time visiting other parts of the world, and many other firsts. After an emotionally exhausting 2010, 2011 came off as enjoyable, with some ups and downs going at constant pace. As an annual special post for my blog, this time I’m going to recap what has been there in this superb year. I hope you also had a wonderful 2011, and I sincerely hope 2012 will be even better :).

January
Kicked start the beginning of new year with ITB Harvard National Model United Nations (HNMUN) Intensive Training. Missed the first caucus training with the alumnae because I had to have second-chance examination to fix my C grade for Material and Energy Balances course :( and in the end the grade didn’t change, pfftt. My semester break this month was full of training, both for HNMUN as Person in Charge, as well as adjudication training for 14th Indonesian Varsities English Debate Championship, the one I champed in previous year.  At the end of this month I boarded a plane for the first time in my life: went to Makassar, earned A accreditation and adjudicated in Grand Final of IVED 2011, and had a great deal of fun in my first visit to the eastern part of Indonesia. Coming back to Bandung, I received a message telling that I had been selected as one of “Mahasiswa Berprestasi” in Proficio Awards 2011 – an award given to outstanding students from various major and batch. It was really unpredictable :P

With some of ITB team members for IVED UNHAS
Proficio Awards 2011


February
The highlight of this month is, of course, my journey to USA: Boston with its Harvard and MIT, New York, Washington DC, and Niagara Falls. Me and 17 other distinguished delegates left Indonesia on Valentine’s Day (haha). It was my first time going abroad, first time seeing snow, first time going to USA, first time visiting places that I previously only saw on TV and Internet. The conference loaded me with new insights about world’s decision making process, and the whole trip was simply a-m-a-z-i-n-g... I cried in Abu Dhabi when going back. I got full sponsorship and lots of donations I got through bloodsweatandtears so my parents didn’t have to pay for anything, I was magically blessed. The only thing that tainted this month was an icy relationship with someone I thought I could believe in. 


Lincoln Memorial
Statue of Liberty


At Harvard University

March
My 19th birthday came in the midst of jet lag and limbo-ish state of of mind. The thought of USA lingered in my mind throughout this month. Nothing really special happened actually, I had to catch up with college stuffs in Chemical Engineering major that I had abandoned for 3 weeks straight :P. In this month I learned to accept a bitter truth about that someone, again forgetting good things that happened between us. I was betrayed once more by a person I almost gave my heart to, the fragile part I knew he could break. I stayed off from getting in touch, only went out once again with him. Learned to accept that our promise wouldn’t happen, and we were not destined for each other. Heard rumors and gossips circling around, turned off my ear and concentrated to my study while ignoring the soap-bubble-that-bursts fact.

The Twins' 19th Birthday
April
April 8th marked the unexpected failure in Schlumberger Vacation Trainee selection process, one of the selections I planned to succeed since I entered ITB. The fact that I failed even in the first stage interview felt like a sharp razorblade cutting my confidence to its last drop of blood. I remember crying and cursing throughout the whole day, but regained strength and hang on to hope once more. This month was the busiest of fourth semester, last chances of gaining good scores in between flooding assignments. My busy-ness was even added with HNMUN 2012 Selection Process phase one: back-and-forth with Elsa as the Head of Selection and fellow HNMUN 2011 delegates. Mushrooming ITB students who joined MUNs (often being irresponsible and blind about what it takes to be a real MUNers) raised bad issues at campus, and we had to have meetings with ITB Directorate of Student Affairs, converged to the idea of making a MUN regulatory body.

 
May
Super exhausting end of semester examination. Went through the last selection process for Chandra Asri Petrochemical Scholarship. I got the limited scholarship only offered to 10 ChemEng students. It was.. big :P but I have to work 2 years in their company. Fair enough, since after knowing deeper about SLB I thought I wouldn’t be ready to face highly-demanding environment in oil service company right after I graduate. The company promises good trainings in and out of the country, so after consulting with the big family of mine I did accept the deal. I wouldn’t earn very big income, but somehow I felt like it was going to be okay as a start. I aimed for thick training experiences after 2 years working there. At the end of the month, I had community service in Ciparay Village with fellow Chemical Engineering 2009 friends. 2 days 1 night in this village reminded me to always be grateful for everything Allah SWT had given to me, the endless blessing in every tiniest aspect of life. I learned to live with the poor, slept peacefully above solid ground, ate naturally grown, delicious vegetables and saw a true, genuine happiness stream from their simple life... a forgotten piece of monotonistic, fast-paced modern life we all had been living in.
HIMATEK 2009 Community Service, Ciparay Village
 
June
In this month I had to go through the most stressing 2 weeks of my life: 2-weeks+ Basics of Bioprocess (DAS BP) Laboratory. It was like hell. Seriously. 8 am to 3 pm nonstop (only for having meal and religious practice). I almost literally lost my sanity in doing the whole lab assignments, even unconsciously blabbering about fermentation when I did shalat and mom came, she was afraid that her daughter might lose her mind. Slept only 2 hours for 3 days in a row, only slept maximum 4-5 hours everyday in average. People were having the beginning of summer break so campus was completely silent. After the lab ended, 18 Bioprocess students had a crazy, after-stress karaoke and hanging out session before going back to the hometowns. Yaayy bioprocess rocks! 

Lab DAS BP
But in this month, I was forced to have one of the biggest decision in my life: to leave the house that built me. To stay away from debating. I was totally disappointed of what supposed to be the best last training camp ever, even the scars are still there. I expected fairness and transparency, yet people kept on throwing ugly gossips undermining my lab struggling after I decided to bailout. I was called worse than coward, worst of the worse was that they only brave enough to shout behind my back and put pretty faces upward, but I didn’t care. Seriously dude, you don’t know what it takes for me to stay alive so shut the f up.


July
Cheers for, finally, summer break! I had always been a home lover so I enjoyed staying at home doing whatever I wanted to do. First summer break completely free from debating practice, half sad half happy, tho. I had a lot of time to apply for many selections, organized HNMUN 2012 Selection Process phase two, had a family vacation to Cipanas Garut, also with my cousins and close relatives.

With my cousins and Grandma
This month, I went to Gadjah Mada University Yogyakarta as invited adjudicator for JOVED 2011. A bunch of thank you-s to Gladys, Farah, and Marini who were there when I was pushed down by the world I had always loved since I was 15, the world that forever changed my direction. Your help was indispensable :).
Trio Macan, my best highschool teammates, reunited at JOVED 2011

August
The highlight of this month is, of course, my second time going abroad for Japan-Asia Young Scientist and Engineers Study Visit (JAYSES) 2011 in Bangkok, Thailand organized by Tokyo Institute of Technology. The selection to be JAYSES participant was heart-pumping, and the after selection was, for the lack of better words, full of surprise. Again, all expenses paid, which made it even better :P because I used my extra money from USA trip and we got sponsorship from PT SKF Indonesia. Met Nana, Reinhardt, and Gamma for the first time as fellow ITB delegates..we looked like having blind date because we only knew each others’ faces from facebook :P, also met Dhanita, Citra, Alfan from UI as well as Sisil, Rysti from UGM. 

An unexpected encounter with Mario Maurer at Siam Paragon
Indonesian cultural performance @ King Mongkut's University of Technology Thonburi
We had LOTS LOTS LOTS of FUN FUN FUN! Participants from Thailand, Japan, and Philippines were soooo awesome that I really can’t explain the degree of awesomeness hahaha. 5 out of 5! Our friendship lasts throughout the months until now, Thai/Indo/Phil people who went to Japan were always treated well by the Japanese and vice versa, makes me totally wanna go to Tokyo just to meet my amazing TokyoTech friends hehe.
With fellow delegates at Grand Palace, Bangkok
September
After Idul Fitri which I enjoyed in my first day back in Indonesia again :), the real fifth semester had only just begun. Had a jolt of excitement (and relief) knowing that I was paired with Daniel Wahjudi for Laboratory Course I (Labtek I). We had known each other for quite long: group 96 in PROKM (orientation for freshmen), FTI-A in first year of college, majoring in Chemical Engineering, took Bioprocess as sub-major, but had never been working together. Went through our first labtek, Glucose-Fructose Conversion. It was emotionally draining, and we were completely mad but even at that time I knew our partnership grew closer and more solid.

October
October was the pinnacle of fifth semester hecticness. Labtek occupied most of my times, assignments, quizzes, and tests came consecutively to the point that I had to come to campus 7 days a week. I couldn't have survived this month without my ChemEng ladies, especially Indy, Priska, Denissa, Rea, Tyas, Monce, Elsa, Bibil, Mbadita, and brozone duet Jimmy and David Bieber.

(some of) my ChemEng Ladies :)
It was, again, a fortune that I had Daniel as my partner (I usually called him Jiang, after his family name :D). I just can’t say enough xie-xie to him, for he made labtek a lot easier and bearable. Well, he’s one of the brightest minds in my batch, enough said. Add to the cart his joyous personality and gentle attitude, just too bad we have different religion. Hahahahaha kidding :D 

Meet my partner! :D
October also marked the end of ITB HNMUN 2012 Selection Process. The Ganesha Model United Nations Club team consists of HNMUN and WMUN alumnae debated and exchanged views on what seemed to be the longest meeting ever for everyone: from 4.30 pm to 1 am straight! I had been appointed as Chief of Training at Ganesha MUN Club, so starting from that day I began organizing once a week training for the new delegates, which added another busy-ness in my already busy life, but it was a honorable responsibility so I tried my best :)

New delegates! ...and sleep-deprived committee
In this month I also went to Jakarta for the last selection process of 11th Hitachi Young Leaders Initiative. I was thankful that I could pass the ITB-stage selection, because 10 people who previously passed the phone interview were all superb.. might as well be said ITB most sparkling diamonds, CV-wise. It was the first ever I’m-completely-on-my-own trip to Jakarta, first ever entering a five star hotel (Shangri-La) by myself as well. At the end of the month, right after falling down from a stair -__-, Mbak Feby from Prisma Public Relations called me and said that I had been selected to represent ITB, and Indonesia, in the 11th HYLI in Vietnam. I was like, whaaatt?? Alhamdulillah...


November
What happened in November? Another month full of academic strikes (yea yea you know how my major could be really cruel). This month I applied in the selection for StudentsxCEOs core team, a platform where potential students coming from reputable university can have the chance to sit and share together with top Indonesian CEOs regularly. In this organization, students are expected to learn, share, and give impact in form of Microfinance Project. I had nothing to lose, to be honest. Went through document screening, FGD, and interview. On the announcement day, I was actually quite convinced that I might have a fair chance of not being selected. Scrolling through the website, I surprisingly found my name at the bottom of the page. I smiled to my pessimistic feeling afterwards :P.
  
December

This is my December, this is my time of the year.
- Linkin Park, My December
The last month of 2011 was filled by end of semester examinations. For two weeks straight, I had my last attempt of fixing my tralala GPA, haha. In the middle of it all, again I went to Jakarta (paid by Hitachi :P) to attend HYLI Send-off Dinner and Reunion. I got the chance to meet fellow Indonesian delegates: Mega from UGM, Ijul from UI, and Tini from Atmajaya Jakarta. Nice to meet you all! 

Indonesian delegates for 11th Hitachi Young Leaders Initiative Vietnam
We got along very easily and almost effortlessly, and in the dinner we met previous Indonesian delegates for HYLI (some were graduated from university like 10 years ago). All of them are succesful people, and I pictured myself being in the same occasion years from now, telling the same or even greater success stories...I hope! Amiiin :). They were really inspiring. I also sat right in front of Hitachi Indonesia Executive Director. He was Japanese who spoke very fluent English and had travelled almost to all countries in the world. We had lively talks about Boston and Bangkok, kinda made me feeling nostalgic, haha.


In addition to all the exciting moments I’ve written above, 2011 was also a year full of “publicity” for me. Four times being displayed on the humongous (as Ikrar would put it, hahaha!) banner at the front gate of ITB campus so everyone could see it, and had my name written in several news both online and offline. I promise myself I’m not gonna stop there. I’m gonna be featured at the front gate again until all people memorize my face hahahaha *kiddy dancing with innocent smirk*

[Photos below are taken from my aunt Ema's photo album] 
HNMUN 2011 - Mid February
Proficio Awards - Early February
Chandra Asri Scholarship - Mid August
JAYSES - Mid October

So basically that’s that, everything 2011 had treated me with. It was an unforgettable year, and will be treasured in my heart and mind forever. Thank you Allah SWT. Endless Alhamdulillahirabbilalamin to all the blessings You have bestowed upon me.

Leaving The House That Built Me

Friday, May 13, 2011

Tomorrow's JOVED intercomp will perhaps be the last debate intercomp for me. I've calculated many possibilities for the next few years, and I suddenly came to a conclusion that I can no longer stay in the debating community. Not that I don't want to, but the burden of studying in this *poof* freaky major of mine is inevitable. I won't be able to attend debate competition anytime except on holidays, meaning: IVED and JOVED. The loss will be so damn big if I dared to join competition outside holidays. How can I study those super difficult calculations and concepts, with limited time, with constant test at least once a week (yes, test, not quizzes), while at the same time practicing debate until late at night?


Unfortunately, I'm not a type of person who can understand college subjects easily. I'm not a fast learner, as what happen in my friends' cases where they can still having extracurricular activity. Add to the cart the fact that my major's test is always that difficult. Thing is, debating drained energy, unlike most any other. It's so not convenient when you have debate practice until 10 after a 7am-6pm class and lab, while having test on one or two days later, surrounded by people who always study earlier. Well face it, man, most of the people I encounter in my everyday life don't have any other activities beside studying, himpunan, or religious prayers/service. I've seen how my major can be so cruel in torturing their students with academic burden. That's a pity, since it hampers softskill-developing activities (well sorry, my definition doesn't go in line with himpunan), but this is also a choice that I've made. A choice that I've made with partial understanding about the complications. Until know I still see that yes, I didn't have any choice, at all, at that tiniest fraction of time where my future emerged like a hatching egg.


It becomes clearer day by day that this moment will soon happen.

I thought I'd never leave debating. I've always wondered how I would live without this activity. What kind of pursuit of happiness would I go through, if it wasn't for debating? Debate was a thing I've always considered in making future plans, something that can become my most effective refreshment, a weekend sweet treat that I've always treasured. Debate was my best friend during the lowest time of my life. It was something that helped me regain strength, something that gave me hope, something that was thrilling enough to create adrenaline rush. It was a thing that led me in craving for 'avenged paradise': moments where I could show myself to the world, to the people who doubted any of my ability, to those who believed that I had to always go in the path that had been planned... that I couldn't be the change I wanted to see.


Debate has been a tool that helped me achieving achievements, even bigger and greater that I imagined when I first entered this magical world. Debate was an activity that turned me from a stammer speaker into a public speaker, where English speaking was made easy, where my fluency boosted up, grew explosively exponential. If I had not been a debater, I would have never passed HNMUN selection. I'd never have been to United States of America with 17 distinguished delegates. It was this skill that helped me in understanding world issues, it was this skill that promotes critical thinking that helped me in having broader views of everyday aspects of life. If I had not been a debater, I would have never seen things from different perspectives. I would always be a one-way thinker that's not so tolerant.


At the same time, I learned about friendship, teamwork, care, love, togetherness... every 'sense of family' that is loudly declared, jargonistically, by a militancy-based 'institution where humans are developed into humans'. Debating community is a community like no other. Despite the competitive environment where institution crushes each other, debaters always find the same characteristics that binds people together in harmony, overcoming the differences even when the differences are not tolerable by the society in general. The characteristic is best defined by, well, simply their love, devotion, masochism, whatever - to the activity of debating itself.


Through endless debate practices from morning until midnight, deadly adaptation process since I was 15, intercomps, coaching and brainstorming, discussions, gossips, love stories, precious competitions, victories, being best speaker, through debating... I've found my life.


I'm now leaving the house that built me, facing a new dimension I have hardly foreseen, to the dark and difficult times lying ahead, hoping to see a giant light at the end of the tunnel.

2010 and The Days of Being Eighteen: A Roller-Coaster of Emotion

Sunday, March 6, 2011

I was trapped by tight schedule and things to worry about that I forgot to write about 2010, as what I’ve always done in the past few years as a special post for my blog. Now I’ve suddenly turned 19 and I remember that I’ve been through one hell of a ride in 2010 and my previous age, 18, so I decided to mix the two periods and create this writing, a reminiscence of hardwork and strengthened faith.


2010 started with a blast. I had my first varsity level English Debate Championship and successfully, unpredictably, became the champion of The 13th Indonesian Varsities English Debate Championship, the biggest debating tournament in Indonesia. (http://id.wikipedia.org/wiki/Indonesian_Varsity_English_Debate). Months passed by, the glory days faded little by little, and I found myself depressed after lots of academic-strikes. Second semester of university life was obviously not easy. I drained lots of tears, had more than enough sleepless nights, too much coffee, and I was fed up by all shitty calculations and disgusting vectors. My everlasting indecisiveness about whether or not I should choose Chemical Engineering as my major irritates to the point of agony. I decided to take risk, and surprisingly I was eligible to enroll in Chem Eng Dept.


After IVED I made up my mind: I wouldn’t have any courage to sacrifice academic life for debating (again), so I aimed for tournaments held on holidays. I watched bitterly while my batch friends joined lots of competitions and being stronger, but I kept in mind that my GPA has to go first. Although it was not that satisfactory, but at least I got the chance to get a scholarship for one year (alhamdulillah) and had enough GPA to go for Chem Eng. However, I was offered a position as Secretary in SEF’s newly created organizational body, and I accepted it *without thinking much about the consequences haha*. I also did an impulsive leap when Danie, Miss President, told me to join National Universities English Debate Championship held by Dirjen Pendidikan Tinggi as a yet-to-be-accredited adjudicator. Little did I know that NUEDC was a tough competition and I did not have much knowledge on British Parliamentary debating, but I ended up being breaking adjudicator and was trusted to adjudicate in EFL Grand Final round J. I also got the chance to improve my skill when attending intensive practice for Java Overland Varsities English Debate Championship. It was the first time I joined a debate competition with no other girl as teammate, but it was such an honor to work with Rifan and Yosaka despite the fact that we ended up as Quarterfinalist.


The first 7 months of 2010, and at the same time the first 4 months of my 18 age, was filled with another unsuccessful love story. It was a bittersweet experience, and in one way or two, a faith-shaking one. We had smooth and steady times together and we got closer day by day, but there were always a tickling question: Quo vadis? We started calling each other names and be more open but somehow we found ourselves fell apart. It was a quite sweet fling that didn’t last, and even now we hardly see each other again. What’s left is just casual conversation and I found that I didn’t love him the way people love their lover. The feelings I used to had faded and I lived my life in confusion of entering the new, harsh, robotic, mechanistic, super-boring, and mind-boggling world of Chemical Engineering.


I’ve been hearing about my major many times, and none of them are positive. Still I don’t even know whether or not I regret my decision to enter this major at the very first place. I experienced what I’ve written –in detail- in my last post titled “Thrown Out of Throne”. The third semester was my lowest point in life although not as bad as what I had in 2007. Nothing worked out right, no pain was worth the gain, and it totally ripped off my normal life as an “I-need-more-rest-and-sleep-you-bastard” university student. I didn’t even get any chance to debate for months, and it results in a desperate exasperation.


At this point, I found a new family. I was –magically, plainly blessed by Allah SWT- accepted as one of 17 delegates of ITB Delegation for Harvard National Model United Nations 2011. I was excited and honored to be one of them. Being a PIC Training for my HNMUN mates: arranging the training, materials, and schedule, was not an easy job, but I effortlessly enjoyed it. I remember the hard times seeking for any sponsorship deals...uncertainty, misery, rejections.. I remember the struggle with my financial mates: Iji and Mac who turn to be the best and most supportive financial mates ever. I remember printing research materials, making punishment essay, and all those training stuffs. I remember meetings talking about the whole issue of our journey, Mita’s home which eventually became our basecamp, a place where we had laughter and tears, the moment of true friendship when we were scared applying visa to US Embassy and had a great deal of fun at Grand Indonesia afterwards. Our intensive training, the joint training that I didn’t attend, endless mail on mailing list, and lots of things.


At around The Holy Month, I started having a kind of another special friendship with another guy. Things went quite well and we found out that we were really fond of each other. He was there when I was pushed back and forth by my major, by osjur, by endless test and quizzes. He was the one where I could run to at those times: providing the care and comfort I needed the most. Leaning an open mind and open ear when I endlessly bitching over my life, my life, my life. It was bad that I let him hear only about unpleasant things, but he thought it was a piece of cake and although his words were cheesy and shallow and fishy, but at that vulnerable point, I was literally swayed.


2010 ended with a clearly busy year-end holiday. I was the person in charge for HNMUN intensive training, although I was quite relieved because I got relatively big amount of sponsorship from PT PUSRI (Holding). It was sufficient enough to fulfill 60-70% of my needs and I really thank Bapak Reza for it J. I was also dared enough to join IVED 2011 intensive training as a yet-to-be adjudicator, despite the arguments with mom about financial matter when I wanted to had accreditation at IVED Makassar, which was quite costly, and mom wanted me to prioritize my next USA Trip first. The world was spinning at the right axis, thank God. I received the sponsorship money, secured my USA trip, boarded a plane for the first time and visited Sulawesi for the first time also, got A accreditation and was trusted to adjudicate in Grand Final Round with a panel of adjudicators consists of seniors. It was an undoubtedly great experience.


My last months of 18 years old was filled with a balance of bad and good times. I was thrilled by my HNMUN journey and in a very short circumstances before my departure, I discovered the real truth about someone I thought I could believe in. Yes, the chick-flick guy I wrote earlier. Turns out that all his sweet words and acts and affections and deadly poisonous rainbow candies were all fake. I almost arrived to a conclusion that he’d never loved me anyway, while I was falling slowly into his trap, his spider web. Oh, what an irony! But then my departure time came, and I left my unrequited love in Indonesia, flew to United States, to a concrete jungle where dreams are made.


It really helped. I ignored every attempt to contact him first in any sort of communication. I let myself healed instantly by the pouring snow and distinguished delegates J. The journey was a great deal of fun. The conference loaded me with new insights about the world’s decision making process, and the whole trip was just plainly amazing. When you have 17 fantastic people to travel with, life can never be flat. And galau was obviously out of place. Returning to Indonesia, I found evidence that further encourages me to believe that that particular person was simply jerk, and I left him happily although he continued to ignite the flame of hope, awaking greedy monster that hungers for affection inside me. I am now a more mature person. A happier one. I’m more ready to face whatever life has for me in store.


I can feel the betterment in every blood drops running inside my vein.


And suddenly I turn 19. Nineteen. The last year of being a teenager. I’ve gone through many lessons of life and am eager to learn more.

Thrown Out of Throne

Friday, December 10, 2010
It's been ages since I last wrote a blogpost. I've lost my sense and style of writing without actually seek some ways to get those skills back. Quite a shame, really.

So you might wonder why this post's titled "Thrown Out of Throne". That title just popped into my mind. Catchy, sarcastic (?), and somehow fits with what I planned to write.

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The sole reason why I don't write for so long -and why I don't have any decent social life for these past 5 months- is my academic pursuit in Chemical Engineering Dept., ITB. I'm not in my exaggerating mode. I have the full right to blame my major for every unsocial activity these days. Call me whiny, but I think I've said it right.

I entered this major with a partial understanding of how the life of a ChemEng student at ITB would be. I anticipated about antisocial people, people who love to crush their own friends, limited chance of relaxing, or less chance to involve in other campus activities, mainly SEF. But I never imagined how entering this major really means something other than that.

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I was a smart student. This, I think, is a perfect intro to the bulk of this writing. I never got out of Top 5 students in class ever since I was in elementary school. And to note, I only stucked in 5th rank once, 4th rank twice or thrice, the rests are 1st-3rd, mainly 1st in high school, a balance of 1st and 2nd in junior high. To further note, I've always studied in the best schools in town filled with other smart students. Kinda get the picture of how it went on?

So I flawlessly went to Institut Teknologi Bandung, just like everyone expected. I felt great to study in the best engineering education Indonesia can provide. I really thought I deserved this. I was an arrogant eagle trying to show myself to the world, that hey, I'm great, and I'm gonna be even greater here.

Thus it came to me that life in ITB would never be easy. I saw so many intelligent people in my faculty. Most of them wanted to enter ChemEng, which had the highest GPA requirement in ITB. I don't know why, but since a little kid I've always been obsessed with getting the best my hands can get on, so in addition to parents' consent, my obsession also goes with ChemEng.

I was not a stupid person in FTI-A. my former class. I was an above average student. Being only "above average" made me mad either. I was disappointed with myself. I've had times of lamenting over the degradation... tears and curse just matched perfectly well, I guess.

Shortly, I entered Chemical Engineering, with GPA that nearly crossed the lower limit... I was probably one of the latest people to be placed here.



Now you see, I'm dwelling in the nest of genius. Everywhere I look, there's the most prominent students of every class at Faculty of Industrial Technology. Everyone I mingle with does have brain that could pass high school national examination with straight A. There are more than 1 person who got their GPA 4 out of 4. Almost everyone were eggheads in their history of education. But the worse thing is, I see robots everyday.

It might be just my opinion, but really, my major sucks.

Simple thing like twitter tweets tell it all. You won't miss the word "study" in ChemEng students' facebook or twitter page. You may even find someone whose tweets are 90% about studying. Lecturers make everything worse by constantly giving exams. I had my first mid-term exam (UTS) on the third week of new semester. I had two mid-term exams before Ied, and after Ied break I always had at least one UTS per week, with a rapidly escalating level of difficulty. It's insane, people. It's truly insane. I never dreamed of something so stressing and pressing like this. Furthermore, when you see people around you study like studying is their religion, or it's simply a thing that makes them BREATH, you'll surely feel like you live in the most static world this universe can bring you in.

At the top of it, all of these are, actually, the culture of this major.

I was shocked.

I didn't enter ChemEng to become a lifeless person. I didn't enter ChemEng to see super individualistic people occupies most of my time (throw away the jargons of "unity", almost everybody is THAT individualistic here). I didn't enter ChemEng to mingle with FREAKS. That was never my intention.

People seems to be great by writing "Semangat!" when replying your tweets or wish you "get well soon" to your sick status on facebook, but they never go further than that. They crave for A, that's all. They say they didn't understand about the materials before exams, they say things like, "aduh gue pusing banget iya ya ampun ga ngerti lagi gue ga ada obat", and turns out that their scores're excellent. They said they wanted to help each other. They said they would share their knowledge. It was only sweet words for the seniors. Where are those brainy shiny bright minds when they know exactly that their friends, or family, they said in osjur, are in desperate need of help to understand the lesson? Where are they, when the volleyball team needed extra support and suddenly there was an announcement of Mathematical Analysis exam the day before? Where are the "togetherness", when small factions have been created and don't go in the same line? Why are they so selective in making friends, or merely working group! Why are they indirectly telling that "If you're not smart enough, I'd rather not be your friend..."? Where are the "solidarity" that was loudly declared?


Lies.



Student Organization doesn't help. Personally for me, my himpunan has too many agendas. Agendas that, knowingly or not, force people to stay in just one community. Meetings are commencing like discounts on year-end sale, almost everyday. Everyone is "expected, by means of making it compulsory" to give their highest contribution to the events scheduled. At one time, I was thinking, "Finally I know why my major has been described by ITB people as nothing other than antisocial. We are literally robots in studying, most of us blind about the world issues or just simply too ignorant, in our leisure time we're occupied by agendas in himpunan, and other vacant hours are too precious to be spent by not sleeping".

A short conversation with Dani, SEF ITB President's, come to my mind now,
"That's the consequence...You chose to stay in that community. "
"I don't want it to go like this, Dan. But I don't have any other option"

I hardly ever attend any debate practice this semester, which also add some pepper to the already spicy dish. I wasn't really involved in the selection process. I didn't know about the newbies' improvement, I didn't become trainer, I didn't join Saturday training, something that I actually treasure. I haven't opened indodebaters for centuries. All of the blames goes to my major, a major that forced their followers to stay-at-home-reading-thick-books-or-else-you'll-fail.

I'm tired of constantly trying to fit in the environment I don't like. To think that I'll spend around 2.5 years more with this kind of world irritates me to the bone.

Let's hope none of those annoying people enter Bioprocess as their sub-major. Please God I don't wanna meet people who only prioritize their own interest without helping each other except their small, exclusive groups. Please Lead me in dealing with all these things. Please Make me better in organizing my time. Please make me feel blessed.

Please Enlighten me, Allah Subhanahuwata'ala.

Rambling

Monday, September 13, 2010



What sort of life would I have if I was born in a family of farmers...like in Harvest Moon?

I'd go milking goat or cow everyday, feed chicken, plant cucumber, harvest some turnips, searching for seeds... I'd go around the small town, going down from the hills to the beach. I'd watch the waterfall, enjoy the silence and relax with butterflies around. I wouldn't meet individualistic people, because all of them are great friends to another. There would be no need of joining any ospek, for the friendship and trust grows naturally. Any kind of ospek, with all its jargons about making a family tie and sense of togetherness won't do.

I won't need any complicated calculations to solve, while I myself don't really understand the real application of those vectors, differentials, and integrals. What I'd know would only be how season changes, what to prepare when each season comes, what seed to buy, when to join cooking competition in the downtown, at what time I should get up and go to supermarket, and yada yada. I'd learn in a real life. I'd have my own realistic lab activity. Won't need any assistant to tell me what to do. Won't have any journal to make except a dialy journal. A diary.

I wouldn't mind about getting much money in a short time. I'd love what I do, and I'd live happily. I wouldn't be forced to work in oil and gas company. I'd have and directly practice my own way of living. I would be friends with the environment rather than destroy it.

I'd meet another happy person who'd stay with me for the rest of my life. We'd meet by magic, as if the universe conspires to make us understand each other. Divorce rate in that town won't be that high anyway. We'd make friends with animals and vegetables until we're grown old and weak, smiling together in a small house we built from nothing. We'd watch our children grow and perhaps would send them to a big city to get proper education...

Big city...

A virtue of dream. A glamorous-unhealthy-greedy-evil lifestyle, yet many people wants it badly like ripe fruits from a tree of forever.




Humans can never be satisfied with what they've got. We'd always want more. We fail to see the beauty of our current state. We keep on asking for better life without knowing whether or not this life is actually the best. We keep on whining, trash-talking with friends on twitter, stalking people's latest gossip on facebook, making fun of others without respecting their privacy, putting too much information on the net until others don't have to find out anymore..we lose the sensation, having negative thoughts fueled into mind, creating many and more masks until we forget who we really are.

We're too much concentrating on how to fit in, rather than to stand up.

We....or at least me.



I am a devastated meadow field. A messed up creature blinded by past glory. A girl that finds it hard to move on, to stand up and being outstanding. A stubborn mind resisting change in the comfort zone.


And a lousy-drowsy person who decided to mock herself in the middle of the night.

HNMUN :)

Thursday, September 2, 2010


Alhamdulillah. Harvard, I’m coming!
Special thanks to: Allah SWT., Mom, Dad, Twin Bro, and my dear friends everywhere around the globe. :)
Wish me luck!