Years, and No More

Unbelievable - I thought it’s gonna be very surprising when the time comes, yet I just feel like erasing the very last cinder. So fast, so-without-pain process, finally… the end of all those sweet stories, and years of crazy fantasies.

I don’t believe that it comes to an end, finally! Oh, God, FINALLY! The uncertainty, stupidity, and instability…the immortal guess and speculations! I can no longer hope, I can no longer dream, for the dream has decided to fly away. Never will it disturb my sleeps anymore. Never will I keep wishing. Never will I cling to the fake hope. And the most important part: the process. Going undetected, unpredictable, mysterious! I have no denial at all right now, it’s a full acceptance, not even a single tear or laughter. Flat, just like ‘something’ has never been ‘something’. Steady, as if I’ve been well-prepared.

No good words, no. I won’t be bothered to give any prayer. It just doesn’t impress me much…quite honestly I’m not very satisfied with the choice. I mean, after all these years? And nothing even close to what I expected?

Anyway, the most fascinating thing still lingers in my mind: why is this my reaction? Of all my biggest disappointments, I thought when the time comes I will undergo a breakdown experience? Well…only God knows why.

As the love and admiration fade, and what stays is only awkwardness as a fruit of “I’ve got used to this condition”, the path becomes clear. And I’m thankful for that. It’s enough nurturing the seeds, for the seeds will never grow into beautiful flowers…nah, now I know.