Thrown Out of Throne

It's been ages since I last wrote a blogpost. I've lost my sense and style of writing without actually seek some ways to get those skills back. Quite a shame, really.

So you might wonder why this post's titled "Thrown Out of Throne". That title just popped into my mind. Catchy, sarcastic (?), and somehow fits with what I planned to write.

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The sole reason why I don't write for so long -and why I don't have any decent social life for these past 5 months- is my academic pursuit in Chemical Engineering Dept., ITB. I'm not in my exaggerating mode. I have the full right to blame my major for every unsocial activity these days. Call me whiny, but I think I've said it right.

I entered this major with a partial understanding of how the life of a ChemEng student at ITB would be. I anticipated about antisocial people, people who love to crush their own friends, limited chance of relaxing, or less chance to involve in other campus activities, mainly SEF. But I never imagined how entering this major really means something other than that.

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I was a smart student. This, I think, is a perfect intro to the bulk of this writing. I never got out of Top 5 students in class ever since I was in elementary school. And to note, I only stucked in 5th rank once, 4th rank twice or thrice, the rests are 1st-3rd, mainly 1st in high school, a balance of 1st and 2nd in junior high. To further note, I've always studied in the best schools in town filled with other smart students. Kinda get the picture of how it went on?

So I flawlessly went to Institut Teknologi Bandung, just like everyone expected. I felt great to study in the best engineering education Indonesia can provide. I really thought I deserved this. I was an arrogant eagle trying to show myself to the world, that hey, I'm great, and I'm gonna be even greater here.

Thus it came to me that life in ITB would never be easy. I saw so many intelligent people in my faculty. Most of them wanted to enter ChemEng, which had the highest GPA requirement in ITB. I don't know why, but since a little kid I've always been obsessed with getting the best my hands can get on, so in addition to parents' consent, my obsession also goes with ChemEng.

I was not a stupid person in FTI-A. my former class. I was an above average student. Being only "above average" made me mad either. I was disappointed with myself. I've had times of lamenting over the degradation... tears and curse just matched perfectly well, I guess.

Shortly, I entered Chemical Engineering, with GPA that nearly crossed the lower limit... I was probably one of the latest people to be placed here.

Now you see, I'm dwelling in the nest of genius. Everywhere I look, there's the most prominent students of every class at Faculty of Industrial Technology. Everyone I mingle with does have brain that could pass high school national examination with straight A. There are more than 1 person who got their GPA 4 out of 4. Almost everyone were eggheads in their history of education. But the worse thing is, I see robots everyday.

It might be just my opinion, but really, my major sucks.

Simple thing like twitter tweets tell it all. You won't miss the word "study" in ChemEng students' facebook or twitter page. You may even find someone whose tweets are 90% about studying. Lecturers make everything worse by constantly giving exams. I had my first mid-term exam (UTS) on the third week of new semester. I had two mid-term exams before Ied, and after Ied break I always had at least one UTS per week, with a rapidly escalating level of difficulty. It's insane, people. It's truly insane. I never dreamed of something so stressing and pressing like this. Furthermore, when you see people around you study like studying is their religion, or it's simply a thing that makes them BREATH, you'll surely feel like you live in the most static world this universe can bring you in.

At the top of it, all of these are, actually, the culture of this major.

I was shocked.

I didn't enter ChemEng to become a lifeless person. I didn't enter ChemEng to see super individualistic people occupies most of my time (throw away the jargons of "unity", almost everybody is THAT individualistic here). I didn't enter ChemEng to mingle with FREAKS. That was never my intention.

People seems to be great by writing "Semangat!" when replying your tweets or wish you "get well soon" to your sick status on facebook, but they never go further than that. They crave for A, that's all. They say they didn't understand about the materials before exams, they say things like, "aduh gue pusing banget iya ya ampun ga ngerti lagi gue ga ada obat", and turns out that their scores're excellent. They said they wanted to help each other. They said they would share their knowledge. It was only sweet words for the seniors. Where are those brainy shiny bright minds when they know exactly that their friends, or family, they said in osjur, are in desperate need of help to understand the lesson? Where are they, when the volleyball team needed extra support and suddenly there was an announcement of Mathematical Analysis exam the day before? Where are the "togetherness", when small factions have been created and don't go in the same line? Why are they so selective in making friends, or merely working group! Why are they indirectly telling that "If you're not smart enough, I'd rather not be your friend..."? Where are the "solidarity" that was loudly declared?

Lies.

Student Organization doesn't help. Personally for me, my himpunan has too many agendas. Agendas that, knowingly or not, force people to stay in just one community. Meetings are commencing like discounts on year-end sale, almost everyday. Everyone is "expected, by means of making it compulsory" to give their highest contribution to the events scheduled. At one time, I was thinking, "Finally I know why my major has been described by ITB people as nothing other than antisocial. We are literally robots in studying, most of us blind about the world issues or just simply too ignorant, in our leisure time we're occupied by agendas in himpunan, and other vacant hours are too precious to be spent by not sleeping".

A short conversation with Dani, SEF ITB President's, come to my mind now,

"That's the consequence...You chose to stay in that community. "

"I don't want it to go like this, Dan. But I don't have any other option"

I hardly ever attend any debate practice this semester, which also add some pepper to the already spicy dish. I wasn't really involved in the selection process. I didn't know about the newbies' improvement, I didn't become trainer, I didn't join Saturday training, something that I actually treasure. I haven't opened indodebaters for centuries. All of the blames goes to my major, a major that forced their followers to stay-at-home-reading-thick-books-or-else-you'll-fail.

I'm tired of constantly trying to fit in the environment I don't like. To think that I'll spend around 2.5 years more with this kind of world irritates me to the bone.

Let's hope none of those annoying people enter Bioprocess as their sub-major. Please God I don't wanna meet people who only prioritize their own interest without helping each other except their small, exclusive groups. Please Lead me in dealing with all these things. Please Make me better in organizing my time. Please make me feel blessed.

Please Enlighten me, Allah Subhanahuwata'ala.