I was trapped by tight schedule and things to worry about that I forgot to write about 2010, as what I’ve always done in the past few years as a special post for my blog. Now I’ve suddenly turned 19 and I remember that I’ve been through one hell of a ride in 2010 and my previous age, 18, so I decided to mix the two periods and create this writing, a reminiscence of hardwork and strengthened faith.
2010 started with a blast. I had my first varsity level English Debate Championship and successfully, unpredictably, became the champion of The 13th Indonesian Varsities English Debate Championship, the biggest debating tournament in Indonesia. (http://id.wikipedia.org/wiki/Indonesian_Varsity_English_Debate). Months passed by, the glory days faded little by little, and I found myself depressed after lots of academic-strikes. Second semester of university life was obviously not easy. I drained lots of tears, had more than enough sleepless nights, too much coffee, and I was fed up by all shitty calculations and disgusting vectors. My everlasting indecisiveness about whether or not I should choose Chemical Engineering as my major irritates to the point of agony. I decided to take risk, and surprisingly I was eligible to enroll in Chem Eng Dept.
After IVED I made up my mind: I wouldn’t have any courage to sacrifice academic life for debating (again), so I aimed for tournaments held on holidays. I watched bitterly while my batch friends joined lots of competitions and being stronger, but I kept in mind that my GPA has to go first. Although it was not that satisfactory, but at least I got the chance to get a scholarship for one year (alhamdulillah) and had enough GPA to go for Chem Eng. However, I was offered a position as Secretary in SEF’s newly created organizational body, and I accepted it *without thinking much about the consequences haha*. I also did an impulsive leap when Danie, Miss President, told me to join National Universities English Debate Championship held by Dirjen Pendidikan Tinggi as a yet-to-be-accredited adjudicator. Little did I know that NUEDC was a tough competition and I did not have much knowledge on British Parliamentary debating, but I ended up being breaking adjudicator and was trusted to adjudicate in EFL Grand Final round J. I also got the chance to improve my skill when attending intensive practice for Java Overland Varsities English Debate Championship. It was the first time I joined a debate competition with no other girl as teammate, but it was such an honor to work with Rifan and Yosaka despite the fact that we ended up as Quarterfinalist.
The first 7 months of 2010, and at the same time the first 4 months of my 18 age, was filled with another unsuccessful love story. It was a bittersweet experience, and in one way or two, a faith-shaking one. We had smooth and steady times together and we got closer day by day, but there were always a tickling question: Quo vadis? We started calling each other names and be more open but somehow we found ourselves fell apart. It was a quite sweet fling that didn’t last, and even now we hardly see each other again. What’s left is just casual conversation and I found that I didn’t love him the way people love their lover. The feelings I used to had faded and I lived my life in confusion of entering the new, harsh, robotic, mechanistic, super-boring, and mind-boggling world of Chemical Engineering.
I’ve been hearing about my major many times, and none of them are positive. Still I don’t even know whether or not I regret my decision to enter this major at the very first place. I experienced what I’ve written –in detail- in my last post titled “Thrown Out of Throne”. The third semester was my lowest point in life although not as bad as what I had in 2007. Nothing worked out right, no pain was worth the gain, and it totally ripped off my normal life as an “I-need-more-rest-and-sleep-you-bastard” university student. I didn’t even get any chance to debate for months, and it results in a desperate exasperation.
At this point, I found a new family. I was –magically, plainly blessed by Allah SWT- accepted as one of 17 delegates of ITB Delegation for Harvard National Model United Nations 2011. I was excited and honored to be one of them. Being a PIC Training for my HNMUN mates: arranging the training, materials, and schedule, was not an easy job, but I effortlessly enjoyed it. I remember the hard times seeking for any sponsorship deals...uncertainty, misery, rejections.. I remember the struggle with my financial mates: Iji and Mac who turn to be the best and most supportive financial mates ever. I remember printing research materials, making punishment essay, and all those training stuffs. I remember meetings talking about the whole issue of our journey, Mita’s home which eventually became our basecamp, a place where we had laughter and tears, the moment of true friendship when we were scared applying visa to US Embassy and had a great deal of fun at Grand Indonesia afterwards. Our intensive training, the joint training that I didn’t attend, endless mail on mailing list, and lots of things.
At around The Holy Month, I started having a kind of another special friendship with another guy. Things went quite well and we found out that we were really fond of each other. He was there when I was pushed back and forth by my major, by osjur, by endless test and quizzes. He was the one where I could run to at those times: providing the care and comfort I needed the most. Leaning an open mind and open ear when I endlessly bitching over my life, my life, my life. It was bad that I let him hear only about unpleasant things, but he thought it was a piece of cake and although his words were cheesy and shallow and fishy, but at that vulnerable point, I was literally swayed.
2010 ended with a clearly busy year-end holiday. I was the person in charge for HNMUN intensive training, although I was quite relieved because I got relatively big amount of sponsorship from PT PUSRI (Holding). It was sufficient enough to fulfill 60-70% of my needs and I really thank Bapak Reza for it J. I was also dared enough to join IVED 2011 intensive training as a yet-to-be adjudicator, despite the arguments with mom about financial matter when I wanted to had accreditation at IVED Makassar, which was quite costly, and mom wanted me to prioritize my next USA Trip first. The world was spinning at the right axis, thank God. I received the sponsorship money, secured my USA trip, boarded a plane for the first time and visited Sulawesi for the first time also, got A accreditation and was trusted to adjudicate in Grand Final Round with a panel of adjudicators consists of seniors. It was an undoubtedly great experience.
My last months of 18 years old was filled with a balance of bad and good times. I was thrilled by my HNMUN journey and in a very short circumstances before my departure, I discovered the real truth about someone I thought I could believe in. Yes, the chick-flick guy I wrote earlier. Turns out that all his sweet words and acts and affections and deadly poisonous rainbow candies were all fake. I almost arrived to a conclusion that he’d never loved me anyway, while I was falling slowly into his trap, his spider web. Oh, what an irony! But then my departure time came, and I left my unrequited love in Indonesia, flew to United States, to a concrete jungle where dreams are made.
It really helped. I ignored every attempt to contact him first in any sort of communication. I let myself healed instantly by the pouring snow and distinguished delegates J. The journey was a great deal of fun. The conference loaded me with new insights about the world’s decision making process, and the whole trip was just plainly amazing. When you have 17 fantastic people to travel with, life can never be flat. And galau was obviously out of place. Returning to Indonesia, I found evidence that further encourages me to believe that that particular person was simply jerk, and I left him happily although he continued to ignite the flame of hope, awaking greedy monster that hungers for affection inside me. I am now a more mature person. A happier one. I’m more ready to face whatever life has for me in store.
I can feel the betterment in every blood drops running inside my vein.
And suddenly I turn 19. Nineteen. The last year of being a teenager. I’ve gone through many lessons of life and am eager to learn more.
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